Thursday, March 20, 2008


Should be maple. As a matter of general leniency, children may be allowed to eat non-maple syrup (Aunt Jamima, Log Cabin) up to a certain age. Naturally, the optimal timing and method for conversion to maple syrup has been hotly contested, among mothers, and the current recommendation is to allow the child to voluntarily indicate when he/she is ready.

From The Guide:

A recent rumor has been spreading that the Canadian peoples have discovered a way to generate maple syrup using nothing but trees. Trees! Clearly this is just another one of those to-good-to-be-true stories from up north, of which we all tire. Nevertheless, an investigation is probably warranted.

John E. Smith,
United Sates FBI
(dated 1897)

French Toast

Some say it is best to use day-old or slightly staling bread to make French toast. I do not subscribe to this or any other theories, about anything. I believe the overriding goal should be to use the best possible bread one can lay hands on. There are numerous reports in the record of great success having been had as the direct result of a good French baguette. The kind with airy holes and a flavorsome crust. It is important not to kill someone over French toast.

From The Guide:

In 1443, at the Abbey de Quay, in France, there was once a very serious-minded (and memorable) monk name Jean-Paul. Upon learning that his French toast had not in fact been flighted away by an especially large crow, but had actually been stolen away by a fellow monk named Simon (slightly less memorable, but certainly capricious enough to bear mention), whilst he had left the table for a particularly long time in order to retrieve his favorite syrup vessel, which he had forgotten in his quarters amidst the mornings’ excitement, it being French toast day at the abbey, needless to say Jean-Paul did not take the news very well. In fact, one might say he took the news rather not well as he broke his holy vows in that same instant. He broke them by turning to Simon and stabbing him straight through the heart with a bread knife, which had been in his hand at the time.